I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
