dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
