We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
