Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just google imaged poop.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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