you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
