I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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