my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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