If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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