if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
