Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
