She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
