I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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