Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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