Kareoke will never be a sober sport
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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