Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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