cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
