You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
