if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
