Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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