Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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