my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They took my balls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
