Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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