Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
