It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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