So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
