i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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