I accidentally burped into my bong.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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