I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
