If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize