yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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