On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize