Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize