i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
