I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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