Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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