: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
