i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
