Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
