I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am one with the molecules
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
