I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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