When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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