are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize