You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
