i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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