Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
