I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
