I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
