I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
