Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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