I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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