The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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