Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize