my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
