somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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