were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
worst night to have a conscience
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
