how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
