I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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